Self preservation

Self preservation - a lot of our lives are devoted to it.

We build up careers to keep ourselves in plenty of money; we pursue things that will leave some mark on the world so that even when we are gone we preserve our memory; we protect our things, our space, our time jealously as if one lapse will have the world taking advantage of us.

All in all we spend a lot more time making sure we are alright, than we do making sure others are.

We'll help others, sure. But only if it doesn't take away too much of our lives. Only if it doesn't involve too much self-sacrifice.

I'll invite you round for dinner, ok, on a night I approve and hospitably feed you a nice meal - but don't get crazy on me and just drop round... and don't even think about being homeless and asking me for money while I'm trying to go about my day spending it on myself.

The problems and quarrels and animosity we hold towards others are largely directed at those who threaten our sense of self, our way of life, our attempts to preserve what we see as ours - from wars with another country to the person who ate the last biscuit we were saving for ourselves.

In this case, as is often the case, Jesus has a view that goes against the popular opinion. The world will tell you, look after yourself first. Hold on to what's yours, or someone else will take it. Build up a life for yourself, store up for yourself.

Jesus says:

If you try to hold on to your life, it will slip through your fingers; if you let go of your life, you’ll keep it.

Luke 17:33

And Jesus says that because he knows the time is near. He knows its urgent and we need to be alert.

There's no time to hang on to those things you can't take with you, because while you're turning around to gather your precious 'things', you've missed it. You've spent so much effort trying to protect who you think you should be, or who the world expects you to be, that you've missed who God really created you to be.

Try to save your own life - reach for that life preserver you created yourself - and you'll end up being destroyed along with it.

Focus on God, lay down your life, forget about your own self preservation, and it's your eternal life that will be saved.

What are you keeping close at hand to grab whenever you feel the need to protect yourself? Money? Pride? Anger? Excuses? Status? Appearance?

Lay these things down and realise the baggage-free freedom that comes from relying only on Christ.

'Your best life'

"Your best life". I hate that phrase. I've seen it as the tag line for churches, and I hate it. Because everyone is looking at that tag line, and I just know the life they are thinking of. They are thinking of this earthly, temporary one. They are thinking 'how do I get my best life, right now?'

Is that really your best life? Is this best part of your existence?

As Christians, why aren't we looking past the physical to see what our 'best life' should really look like?

I've been wrestling with decisions lately that have made me really contemplate what living my 'best life' looks like - and I'm finding that sometimes the best life according to Jesus is going to look like craziness to other people. How do you explain to a world fixated on having and earning and gaining, that I'm taking time - unpaid, financially unprofitable time - to study the Word of God, to sit at the feet of Jesus, to live in faith that what I'm sowing into right now, though it's not putting money in the bank, it's going to pay off so much more richly? How do you explain that?

Well, you can't really. People are going to think you are wasting your time. They are going to wonder why you seem to be just sitting there when there are things to be done.

I guess it depends on where you are sitting. If you are just sitting down in front of the TV, well, they're probably right. Why are you just sitting there?

But if you are sitting at the feet of Jesus - if you are truly waiting on him and letting him lead you no matter where it takes you - then you have 'chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from [you].' Luke 10:42

Other things to look at:


http://sammyadebiyi.com/blogs/sammy-adebiyi/butt-chins-forehead-feet-and-jesus

The difference

I missed my devotions the other morning.

I had started doing them every morning - just a short one, 10 minutes sometimes. But I was starting every day with one. And then one morning people were in our house, I slept in too late and so I went into the day without doing it.

What difference would 10 minutes make?

But it did. The day went differently. I didn't realise it until the day was almost over, and I was thinking back, wondering why I felt different today. Agitated and less at peace.

Nothing in particular went wrong - in fact it was a fairly easy day, and probably less went wrong than other days. But I was different. The way I felt about the day was different.

I didn't realise it until I missed that one day, but since I had started doing devotions every morning, a small inner-peace started going everywhere with me.

It's not like I never read my Bible or prayed before, but I'd never done it consistently. And I didn't start my day with it.

It makes a difference.

Just a thought...

'Finding yourself'

Where am I? Who am I? What is my purpose? 


Whether we label it or not, most young people at some stage go through some period of wondering who they are and where they are going. And a good number of not-so-young people too.


Finding yourself. We want to discover who we really are, and so we pursue experiences and a life that is meant to help us define ourselves, help us discover what makes us, us.


I did that. I thought I needed to know who I was by finding it out, searching everywhere.  Chalk the mistakes up to 'experience'. Nothing is bad. Do what I want. Be 'true to myself'.


The problem is, finding yourself doesn't actually help you know who you are or what your purpose is. Find yourself, and what have you got? A flawed imperfect person, searching for something.


The irony, the paradox of following Christ is that to 'find yourself' you really have to lose yourself. 


The world tells us that to find ourselves and our purpose we have to do the things we want, gain things for ourselves, have experiences for ourselves. 


God tells us that we have to deny ourselves. Lay down our lives. “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23


That seems to hard to us, because it is so contrary to everything we are told. We are told it's all about self. Self-esteem. Self-confidence. Self-worth. The problem with those things is that the focus is on the Self part, rather than the part that comes after the little dash. Esteem, confidence, worth.


Those things are not found in ourselves, but in God.


The question then is, do you trust God with your life. Are you willing to let go of 'finding yourself' and trust that God already knows who you are, wholly and completely and deeply? Do you trust that will provide you with all the worth and purpose that you need?


And are you willing to risk losing your life to save it?


"For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it." Luke 9:24

Don't Be a Potplant

We used to have two pot plants at our front door. I say used to because they aren't there any more.


This was back before we had moved in to our house, and it was newly built welcoming us only on weekends. We picked out some nice green plants in dark grey pots and set them either side of the door.


We also had a door mat there, but because we live on hill near the sea, it gets windy and the mat is always blowing away. Several times when I was putting the mat back after retrieving it from half way down the hill I thought, "Something looks weird about our front door."


It wasn't until one morning that I woke up and suddenly it came to me - "The pot plants are gone!"


It's not that windy at our place. I can only guess someone took them. Good luck to them - I hope the plants are getting more water in their new homes than they did in ours.


But pot plants are like that - easy to pick up and move. Unsecured and easy to do whatever you want with, really.


I'd like to see someone drive sneakily away with a full size oak tree.


And yet a lot of us are pot plant Christians. We have shallow, pot bound roots, and will never really grow to our full potential. We're easily moved and uprooted; we rely on someone else to remember to feed and water us.


We only get the Bible read to us at church. We only have fellowship on Sundays and then we 'get on with our lives.' We only pray when someone else directs us, when we are wilting, or when something bad happens - like finding ourselves being carried off by an enemy who notices how small and unsecured we are and decides to take us for a ride.


Don't be a pot plant.


Be "strong, like a tree planted by a river. The tree produces fruit in season, and its leaves don't die. Everything they do will succeed." Psalm 1:3

A strong tree has deep and far reaching roots. It doesn't rely on someone with a watering can to come along and give it a drink. It is tapped into the river of living water, it's is nourished by the fertile soil in which it is planted. "Like trees planted in the Temple of the Lord, they will grow strong in the courtyards of our God. When they are old, they will still produce fruit; they will be healthy and fresh." Psalm 92:14


Grow deep roots in God. Get out of the little pot and plant yourself in God's garden, immerse yourself in His kingdom. Then nothing can touch you, nothing can carry you off, and you will bear real fruit.

Reformed Clay

"So I went down to the potter's house and saw him working at the potter's wheel. He was using his hands to make a pot from clay, but something went wrong with it...." (Jeremiah 18:3-4a)


Something went wrong. How many of us can look back on our lives, on the way things have turned out, on the way we have turned out, and think - something went wrong.


We feel marred, like a deformed clay pot. We can think back over the things we have done in our lives, the mistakes we've made, the people we wanted to be but somehow didn't turn into like we once dreamed.


Something went wrong. We are that clay pot.


But you know what the potter did with it? 


Well I can first tell you what he didn't do.


1. He didn't scrap it. He didn't chuck it out. He didn't say "That's ruined. Oh well, I'll just chuck it on the rubbish pile and move on to something else."


2. He didn't leave it as it was. He didn't leave it to limp through life as a substandard pot, to be looked down on and neglected because it's no good for anything.


What he did do:


"So he used that clay to make another pot the way he wanted it to be." 




In case you hadn't got it yet, you are clay. God is a potter. 


Maybe things haven't turned out the way you wanted. Maybe you aren't the person you wanted to be, you haven't reached those dreams you used to hold. Something's gone wrong.


But you are clay in the potter's hand. God can take you and reform you. He is not going to scrap you. No matter how damaged you are, you are never beyond redeeming by God. Never. You are soft clay. Clay is malleable. And you are in the hands of the master potter.


He is not going to leave you as you are. God is not going to leave you to suffer because of your mistakes, because of the way life has misshapen you and damaged you. The mistakes may be of your own doing, or the actions of others. But God is not going to leave you limping through life, not being able to live up to the purpose you were intended for.


He can take your life and reshape it. He will form it into something beautiful, something with purpose. A masterpiece. He will shape it the way he wants it.


God is the potter. You are the clay. He can take everything that feels damaged, ugly and broken, and reform it. Not just patch it up or make it 'good enough'. Reform it.


Once clay is reshaped by the master potter, there is no trace of the old, the damaged. You are a new creation. A new, beautiful masterpiece from the very hands of God, exactly as he wanted you to be.


He can do that with your life.

Something More?

Maybe, just maybe, satisfaction and fulfilment in life is far less to do with your physical circumstances than with your spiritual state...

If we were created by God and for God, then how will anything but knowing God satisfy that fundamental need?

Seek and you will find - but what are you looking for?

Have you ever sought hard, earnestly, til you hurt...and then nothing happened. It makes you wonder, where exactly is God? What about all that 'seek and you will find' business, huh?

God does say that we when seek after him, he will be found. So what's going on?

And at times like that, when we feel let down, we know that God says he'll never leave us or forsake us, but it can be hard to really understand it.

But it doesn't seem to "work" - when I seek and don't seem to find God, perhaps I was actually looking for myself and not for God at all.

Worship is about glorifying God, and yet how often do we come away thinking about what we did or didn't get from it, how we felt, what God did for us?

Seek and you will find. It's true. But what are we looking for? If we look for ourselves, we're always going to find it. And we'll always be disappointed. Because our spirit longs for God.

Just a thought...

More than a Humanitarian

Jesus was moved with compassion for people, and then he did something about it. That is an admirable thing to emulate, to be moved with compassion, to care deeply about the suffering of others and do what is in our power to alleviate it.

What was within Jesus' power was quite significant; it was more than natural power, it was more than running a food drive and handing out blankets; it was supernatural. He healed people, he drove out demons, he raised people to life.

But if it ends at that, that just makes Jesus a humanitarian. A supernaturally gifted humanitarian, but just that.

He was more than that, though. The miracles he performed weren't just to relieve physical suffering. What is the relief of physical pain if the person is still in the dark?

Jesus was all about saving people's lives - but life in the sense of the living word, living waters, the abundant life found when we enter the kingdom of God. The life that is available to experience here and now.

He raised people physically to life, but his whole ministry was pointing people to how to be raised spiritually to life.

As Christians we should of course be in many senses, humanitarians; we should have compassion for people, be moved to help them and care for them. But we should be remembering the ultimate gift we can give people is not physical. Alleviating poverty, or even seeing miraculous works, is not our end goal.

We are not interested in merely an outward imitation of Jesus, but to show how are lives and hearts are truly changed by his love.

Speaking their language

You don't have to be qualified to speak the good news.


At Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit came and filled those gathered in the room, and the crowds heard them, they were amazed because they were hearing their own languages. These were people from all over, and the Galileans were speaking their languages.


This was not just unusual, like "Hey, I didn't know you spoke Cappadocian!"They were 'utterly amazed'. (Acts 2:7)


Utterly -completely and without qualification; absolutely. In other words - completely, totally, absolutely, entirely,wholly, fully, thoroughly, quite, altogether,one hundred percent, downright, outright, in all respects, unconditionally, perfectly, really,to the hilt, to the core;


Amazed -surprised greatly; filled with astonishment. In other words -astonished, thunderstruck, speechless, at a loss for words, dumbstruck; aghast, taken aback; bowled over, flabbergasted, blown away.


Entirely flabbergasted, thoroughly bowled over, unconditionally thunderstruck. The Amplified Bible says they were 'beside themselves'.


Get the picture?


These were Galileans - not exactly known for there high brow education or broad multilingualism. And yet here they were, speaking in all these different languages. And all declaring the wonders of God.


You don't have to be qualified to speak as a witness. God can use you to speak anyone's language. That may not mean the languages of different countries for you. It may mean the language of your neighbour, a person in the supermarket, a young person in your church, and old person in a home...all those people who have a different culture to you. Those people with a different life, age, gender, personality, education or interest to you. Those people with whom you normally have nothing in common and nothing to say. People not of your own 'kind'. Even people who normally look down on your or ignore you.


God can give you the words to say, and those words come with power.


Those people hearing the wonders of God spoken in their own languages probably could have understood other languages. They didn't have to hear it those particular dialects to be able to comprehend what was being said. But it was more than the words; it was witnessing the power of God to transcend the natural, to go beyond boundaries and borders. To speak right to the heart.


God isn't limited by your social circle, your education, your knowledge (or lack of it), your conversational skills, your age, race or occupation. So why do we insist on limiting ourselves? Why do we say 'I'm too old to talk to young people', or 'I have nothing in common with that person', or 'People will probably think I'm stupid'?


When we let God get a hold of us, when we receive the Holy Spirit, the words we speak will have power and impact. People will notice that you are speaking their language. They will notice the difference. They will be 'flabbergasted' by the power and wonder of God.


Perhaps some of them might think you are strange (or drunk - Acts 2:13) - but there will be plenty more who ask "What does this mean?"


Be ready to tell them.

Nothing is wasted

Sometimes what we are doing seems small. We feel small.

We work hard and get weary, and sometimes it's hard to see what we are even achieving. Sowing into people's lives, into relationships, into faith and into a walk with God - it's not results based. There's no quantifiable measurement or report card or award to tell you your progress.

The seeds you sow today may not sprout or be harvested for years. You may never see the outcomes.

And sometimes it feels like if you just gave up and did nothing it wouldn't even make a difference.

But when you feel like throwing it all in, that's when we need to remind ourselves of what it is we are actually working for.

It's not for immediate results or recognition. It's for eternity.

And nothing we do to serve God is ever wasted. Even if it seems small now, even if you can't see how it will ever pay off, even if not a single person notices how hard you are working - God sees. And it counts.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:58

Dotting the t's and crossing the i's

Dot your T's and cross your I's.

Sounds pretty silly doesn't it. Read it again if you missed it. It's easy to do if your read it or someone says it fast. It sounds like it's supposed to, until you realise that it's backwards.

It sounds like the saying that means get everything perfect and do it just the right way. But it actually makes no sense. If you did that - put dots on t's and crosses on i's - you would be achieving the opposite of getting things perfect.

Religion can be like that. We think a set of rules and doing everything just the right way will make it all work. But it's actually backwards. Religion can actually sometimes cause us to achieve the opposite of what we are meant to.

But the enemy likes to say it to us fast. Make us skip over it quickly, so we think we are seeing and hearing all the right things, so it must be right. He makes us miss the fact that it is all in the wrong order. All the right parts in the wrong places makes a big difference sometimes.

Rules cannot take the place of relationship. Doing all the 'right' things doesn't take the place of a right heart. Ritual doesn't take the place of devotion and love.

The devil likes to make us believe his version of things where we are still sinners in chains, who have to get the paperwork right to get free. And then he reminds us constantly that we don't know how to get it right.

Striving to get everything perfect actually gets in the way of what God has for us - because we never can get it perfect. We'll never attain that goal. Trying to will only distract us from really knowing God.

Because God is the only one who can make things perfect. God is the only one who can put things in the perfect order, the right parts in the right places. He has already done that for us.

Grace means that God's got everything covered. If and when we mess things up, it doesn't matter because God has already done it all. He's already crossed those t's. And he has won. He has triumphed over sin and death.

Because of Jesus, when God looks at us he doesn't see a messed up person who can't manage to live up to His rules. He doesn't see a failure in need of punishment. He sees a child, a pure, white, cherished creation. And he loves you.

Don't you just want to lay down everything you've been carrying and searching for to get it right, lay down the lies and the misdirection you've been struggling with, and just bask in that love?




Peace and joy. (Romans 5:1-11)

Jessie.


But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Spreading the good news

I used to hate the word 'evangelize'. To me it brought up images of super outgoing people getting in other's faces speaking at them about stuff they didn't want to hear.

For me it was kind of a personal prejudice - I have to admit I was envious of the people who had the self confidence and out-going personality that made conversation with strangers easy.

But I also wondered what it achieved. I wondered if sometimes it was counter productive.

I know how uncomfortable I feel when random people approach me trying to talk to me about stuff. Even if it's about things I care about - being surprised on the street is not normally the place I want to talk to about it. So I normally decline politely and keep walking. Or try to avoid eye contact completely. (I want to apologize to everyone I ever walked past who wanted to talk to me... I probably make it way more awkward.)

But I've kind of changed my mind. Please don't start approaching me trying to sell me anything. But when it comes to evagelism, I'm not so afraid of the word anymore.

I realised - do I want people to know Jesus? Do I believe God wants people to know Him?

Then it's not about me. It's about them.

Those people who are searching and needing to hear the good news. The best news. The only news that really matters.

And you know what, it's not random. I think that putting ourselves out there willing to speak means we are giving God permission to use us - and He knows those people who need to hear it and when.

Approaching random people and talking at them still won't work for anything. But approaching people who God has already been speaking to, or who are in some stage of a journey in knowing Jesus - that's not random.

It's possible, but I don't think we are going to get 'conversions' every time we speak to someone about God. I don't actually think that's even the aim.

But being unafraid to speak about Jesus means another step, another piece, another moment in someone else's life that may just be helping to point them in the right direction.

Like Esther, if we don't do it, someone else will.

Not all of us are gifted at it - some people will walk the city streets on a Friday night and talk to all sorts of people. For others, we can start with those close to us. Those we maybe walk by, or say hello to, or buy our coffee from every day. Or even our friends, who maybe know we go to church, or that we are some 'Jesus' person, but with whom we've never actually had a conversation about faith before.

Start as small as you like. But start. Start speaking the name of Jesus, who the world so desperately needs. Don't keep Him to yourself.

1 Corinthians 2:4
My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power


Peace and joy. (Romans 5:1-11)

Jessie.


But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

SFF: Better than nothing

I'm always waiting for the perfect time. The perfect time to start eating healthier, lose weight, start an exercise program, sort out my wardrobe...

Trouble is I never have enough time/energy/motivation at any one time - so it's never the perfect time. So I never even start.

You see, I feel like if life isn't in a routine enough to start an exercise program and actually keep it up consistently for a long period of time, then why bother starting yet. But when is life ever in a routine consistently?

Or if I'm trying to start eating more healthily or lose weight...well, I've got all those events and get togethers coming up where it will be too hard to manage what I'm eating, so I'll start after that...But when is there ever going to be a time where nothing is on?

Every time I look the state of the clothes in my wardrobe...or should I say out of my wardrobe, because the floor and the bed and the washing basket generally contain more clothes than the wardrobe does...I just think, it's too big a job. I don't have the time and energy to sort that mess out right now, so I'll do it later. But who, looking at a mess, ever feels like they have the energy for it?

So everything stays as it is. I stay not exercising, not eating right, same weight, same mess. Because it's not the perfect time yet. But when will it be?

Never, that's when.

Because rarely do big overhaul changes work. But there is a time when something is better than nothing.

Like I've got 5 minutes right now... If I get down and do some sit ups, well I may not do anymore for another week or two, but at least it's better than nothing. Or if eat an apple now instead of those chips...well I may eat a bowl of ice-cream later, but at least I got that nutrition which is better than nothing. Or if every time I go into my room I put away two or three things, then at least something got done, rather than nothing, even if it's still messy.

And you know what, things change. 5 sit-ups this week, turns into some calf raises while standing in the shower and some dancing while I sweep the floor next week. And gradually the healthy to unhealthy food ratio tips back the right way, even if for now it's just eating one handful of chips instead of two, and a smaller piece of cake. And eventually the wardrobe once again contains at least half the clothes.

Then I can see things changing...even I'm still not fit, still not super healthy, and still see mess.

Because sometimes that one thing is better than nothing. Whether it's health, weight, exercise, housework, parenting, work, prayer, reading the Bible....

Don't wait for the perfect time/enough motivation/the exact right devotional book that will just solve it all. Don't wait for perfection before you start. Or you never will.

Big changes happen through small actions.




Peace and joy. (Romans 5:1-11)

Jessie.


But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

I can do all things...but should I?

You could do it. If you were given that task, job or responsibility that is beyond anything you've yet done or beyond what others think you are old enough or experienced enough for - you could do it.

And you could even do it very well. But at what cost? It would be at the cost of fair few mistakes and a whole lot of learning from experience. And probably at a cost to your peaceful sleep and low stress levels.

Sometimes when God is saying "not yet", he's not actually questioning or doubting our ability. He's not saying "no way, you would be hopeless at that". He knows you could do it. He also knows what it would cost you. He also knows how much more satisfying and effective it can be when you take the time to prepare - mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.

He's saying "what I've got in store, you will enjoy it so much more if you wait until the right time, until it's not a stretch but a natural and right progression."

There is a reason Christians in ministry (or just life) burn out so often. It's not because God asks too much of us - it's because we take "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" to mean "I Should do all things."

If God is saying "not yet", don't worry. He knows you could it. But funnily enough, God does actually want us to enjoy our lives and His plans, not just strain to reach higher and higher.

It's ok to wait.


Peace and joy. (Romans 5:1-11)

Jessie.


But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

God's just lettin' you know

We think God is a god of mission statements and commands. Like if he tells us something, it's because he then wants us to carry it out.

"What's this, a message from God...ok, I'm listening. Right, got it. I'll get right onto that. I'll be back when I'm done to get my next assignment."

Maybe we think we're meant to be some kind of secret agents or action heroes - Your mission, should you choose to accept it...

We go off and try to make it happen - largely on our own, maybe with a few cursory check in's with 'mission control' - mostly to make sure God still knows we here trying our best.

We try to work out what steps to take, what effort to put in, what to do and say and put into place. And then we wonder what's going on when it seems like such hard work. Or we give up. Or we think we were wrong about the whole thing. This really is mission impossible, when we do it this way.

But sometimes, God probably wasn't giving you a command or mission statement that you had to carry out. Maybe he was just letting you know - "hey, kid - because I love you and because we're friends, I thought I might let you in on what's happening and the things I'm doing. Then we can share and enjoy them together!"

Sometimes it's right when we finally given up struggling to complete a mission that we have realised is beyond us, that God unfolds his perfect plan and his perfect timing; we discover he has placed everything where it needs to go already. We can relax. We can rest in him.

The path is already laid by God - yet for some reason we continue to think we need to build it; and so we busy ourselves digging ground and laying uneven pavers - until God gently guides us back and says, "Here, I've laid this path for you. It's straight and clear - let's walk on it together."

If you feel like God is telling you things, if he's given prophecies over your life, or revealed things that seem important - rejoice, and then relax. You can be excited and eager, but assured that God will direct your steps.

He's not telling you because you alone have to understand it all and make it happen somehow - you're his friend and his child, he wants you to be excited and in on the plans he has. Maybe he's just lettin' you know.

Then in Him is the impossible, possible.


Peace and joy. (Romans 5:1-11)

Jessie.


But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Loud surrender

My surrender isn't always quiet and peaceful, hands raised in worship, tears of joy on my face. That is beautiful and lovely.

But I don't always feel quiet and peaceful inside. And I think God gets that.

Sometimes I forget that he created me and sees everything. So I try to put on a face, and say the things that are politically correct. Like, "God, I know I'm meant to be patient and at peace, and so that's what I'm going to do. Here I am, patient and at peace."

When really I'm boiling over inside. I'm a hurricane of emotions. I forget that God doesn't want my polite platitudes. He's not fooled. He can already see what's inside and he's saying "why are you trying to hold on to that all by yourself. Let it go. Give it to me."

So lately I've been consciously making the choice to say to God exactly what's on my mind, not just what I think should be on my mind. If I'm mad, I'll tell him. If I'm frustrated, I'll tell him. If I can't understand what is going on, I'll tell him. Even if I'm mad at him, even if I'm frustrated at him, even if I don't understand what he's doing. I tell him all that. He knows it anyway, do I think I'm hiding it from him?

So my surrender is sometimes loud and physical. If I'm by myself it might be outwardly like that, but mostly it's in my head, in my spirit. Sometimes to surrender I have to bash down a wall in my heart first.

God is big. He can take our little fists beating against his chest. And better that he takes it all than we let it out on someone else, or hold it all inside until we implode. And he holds on to us, so we can't hurt ourselves, and when we've let it all out we can just rest in his arms.

I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God (Psalm 42:9-11).




Peace and joy. (Romans 5:1-11)

Jessie.


But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Girls...who run the world? Um...God.

According to Beyonce, girls rule the world. She's been singing about it for years - women taking care of themselves.

Don't get me wrong - I like Beyonce. I think she's pretty cool, and she's definitely got a lot of talent and intelligence. And You'll probably catch me singing along to 'who run this motha' with the rest of them.

But I fear Beyonce is an example of how our world view can seem right, but still be skewed from God's view.

I am glad that women are recognising that we cannot expect men to provide all the perfect love, identity, protection and security we desire. Putting the sole onus on men to be everything and the centre of our lives is unfair and misplaced - it can only lead to confusion and disappointment.

But then where do we turn. It is from ourselves that we find all these things? Do we rely on ourselves? Do we put ourselves at the centre?

I think the only outcome of that is more confusion and disappointment.

The world turns from one way to another, and another, and another. Constantly searching for just the right model for a perfect, happy, successful life. The problem with all those ways, though they may not seem bad in themselves, is that none of those ways is God.

If we put anything other than Him at the centre of our lives, then that becomes our god. And a god of our own creation is going to be just a s flawed as we are - especially because it is often ourselves that we are putting at the centre.

Beyonce is a strong woman, and I hope the influence she has over other women who need encouragement is a good one. But dont look to the world for the definition of what a woman should be. Even if it seems good, if it's not God, it leads nowhere.

I hope Christian women can remember to provide an even stronger image of life to those who are seeking. One of a loving God where all our security and identity was created and the only place it can again be restored to us. Not by rejecting men and relying on ourselves - but by putting aside ourselves and relying on God.


Colossians 3:1-4
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

New 'wear it' Wednesday

This is a whole different kind if Wear It Wednesday, taken from the kind of wear it when something you've done that is wrong or embarrassing is put on display and you have to "wear it".

Appropriately, the urban dictionary informs me, the term also has a meaning to do with drinking - being drunk or hungover.

Appropriate because I used to drink. I used to bringe drink, which is a big part of the reason why I don't drink alcohol at all anymore.

The first reason is because I don't actually like the taste. But that obviously isn't a big enough reason in itself, because I still used to do it.

From year 11 until early in my fourth year of uni, I used to binge drink. In high school it was once every weekend that I could get away with it. By the end, while I was studying in England and traveling in Europe it was as many nights a week as I could get away with.

I was a mess. Frequently I would drink until I was sick, or at least until I made a complete fool of myself. I felt desperate. I thought I wanted to feel something, to feel belonging, to make everything easy and fun - but in reality I wanted to feel nothing. I wanted to feel nothing because that's all I truly believed there was - nothing really worth having. Or nothing real that I was worthy of having.

And so I drank until oblivion would let me forget for a while that I was desperate.

Even though my time living in England has some of the best memories of my life, it was also my lowest point.

It shows you the amazing capability we have as humans to cope and function in a sort of half life, and fool ourselves that it is full.

The saddest thing is that nobody noticed my despair. Nobody did anything about my drinking,, other than to make sure I got home safely. Nobody did anything, because it was normal. I was just another drunk girl who needed to be put in a taxi home. My friends may have found it annoying those times they had to look after me, but that was it. It was normal.

Imagine if I came to church so drunk I couldn't walk straight. I'm pretty sure there'd be a reaction. Depending on the church and the people, it might be a judgmental, unloving reaction - or it might not - but either way there would be a reaction.

And shouldn't there be? Shouldn't it make you think "What is happening in this persons life, their heart, their soul, that they have ended up this way? They need to know the love and freedom that is available! Dont let them miss out and struggle on a minute longer! Love them!"

The thing is, those people don't come into our churches. I didn't. At my worst point I hadn't been to church for years, and even though I was starting to admit to myself I still did believe in God, I wouldn't have set foot in a church. I couldn't. I felt too ashamed. I felt like I would be judged and rejected for my failures.

Maybe I wouldn't have been - there are many welcoming loving churches out there. But there are manny desperate people out there who feel the church is the last place they will find love and acceptance.

So for the first time - because normally I avoid telling people (Christians) the truth about those years of my life - I'm wearing it.

The urban dictionary says wearing it is about being humiliated. Fortunately for me, I know longer feel shame about it. Fortunately for all of us, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)

Because Jesus already 'wore it'. Everything. All our sins. Every. Single. One.

There is no fear or shame, but love, mercy, grace and forgiveness.

And a desperate world out there who needs what we've got.

God doesnt care about the rules.

Really think about it... Why does God care about sin? Is it because it is just another thing we are screwing up?

I think sometimes we think that's what it's all about. God doesn't want us to sin because he wants us to be good little children who obey the rules.

True, God is perfect and holy - to be God he has to be totally removed from sin. But if you think about it, thats exactly why he doesn't want us to sin - because then we remove ourselves from him.

He's not angry at us because we broke his rules - he is heart broken, and emploring us to come back, to stop turning away. Because he knows how much we are hurting ourselves.

And that's why I think God doesn't care about rules. What he is interested in, rather than us doing all the right things, is us knowing Him. He knows the love and forgiveness he is pouring out on us constantly and he knows that we miss out on that when we sin. Not because God withholds is love like a vindictive teacher who wants to punish a frustrating student.

But because he longs to give love and we are refusing to receive it.

If we realised that everything God has told us about how to live life, the right and wrong things to do, is all there to point us to the way to live in a close relationship with Him - if we looked at it like that, rather than thinking of it as a whole bunch of rules and expectations God burdened us with - we'd be so much better off. The greatest commandment is love God. If you need a rule to live by, aim for that one.

If we could do this, others would start seeing the love that Christianity is meant to be all about.

We wouldn't rank sins anymore, we wouldn't put ourselves above others. We'd be humble and see that whether our sins are telling a 'little white lie' or murdering - it's all a choice to turn away from God. It's all causing us to miss out on the big, crazy, consuming love of God.

That's why God doesn't care about rules like we think he does. He cares about love. A love that consumes and changes us from the inside out. It is all a gift. The biggest, most radical, amazing gift you've ever be offered.

Receive it!