The biggest defences around our biggest insecurities

It's funny how often the things we feel like we least have to worry about, turn out to be the things that trip us up. Did I say funny? I meant ironic and annoying.


It could be the old 'pride before a fall' - we stop paying attention because we think it's all ok, and it gets away from us.


But sometimes it's because we are fooling ourselves.


Have you ever heard someone boasting about their skills and talents? Telling you how great their life is? If you don't immediately dismiss them thinking they are conceited and just don't know how to be humble, you may get the sneaking suspicion that they aren't all as together as their bluster is trying to prove.


We do this to ourselves, and it's a lot harder to pick. You rarely ignore yourself for being boastful and blustery.


What do you find yourself justifying? For what aspects of your life do you find yourself coming up with convincing arguments about why it's all ok? What are the biggest obelisks of personal pride in your life, the things that you will hold on to no matter what anyone else says? The things you are tempted to pursue and continue, even if others don't like it? The things you to which you say 'they just don't understand'?


Chances are, if you have to have conversations with yourself about something, you're putting up defences. 


We build the biggest defences around our biggest insecurities. 


I have been learning how to examine myself this year - to pull apart all my thoughts on shopping (through Project 3:11), on travelling and other dreams I equated with my identity and worth, on family life, marriage and being a woman.


In all these areas there were things that I was guarding and protecting, putting up fronts to convince everyone that I was secure in who I was. The problem with putting up a facade of security is that behind the scenes you are denying yourself the chance to actually be who you are. Who God created you to be.


We often pick up things - experiences, beliefs, behaviours - that at one time made us feel a spark of confidence, of self worth, of meaning and purpose. They did it once, and so we carry them with us, continuing to pursue those things hoping they will continue to work.


They may have started as good things. The problem is, we turn the things - our talents, our dreams, our ideas - into the objects of our pursuit instead of the One who gave us those things. And while we are busy chasing things that rapidly lose any ability to define us like they once did - and were only a pale reflections to begin with - we are missing the chance to get the real thing.


What have you put the biggest defences around? What are you holding on to most tightly to make you feel secure in who you think you are, or are meant to be?


If it's anything other than your identity and worth in God, then maybe it's time to examine these idols.


For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. 1 Corinthians 3:11-13


It's not easy. I notice some things that feel so ingrained, so embedded in the bedrock of my emotional foundation, that it feels horribly unnerving to even imagine dislodging them.


But the amazing thing is, I don't have to do it alone. In most cases, I don't even have to do it at all.


If we start trying to pull everything apart ourselves, we will just end up dismantling our lives and being left with rubble. But if we are willing to surrender to God, to open our inmost selves up to Him, then he will take those things that aren't meant to be there and remove them. He takes those things out with more precision than the most skilled surgeon.


There have been things in my life that I have felt like I was struggling with forever, that I was convinced I would struggle with forever - nothing I tried seemed to be able to change it - and then in one moment with God...it was gone.


And unlike surgery, there hasn't been more damage done. You don't have to lie for weeks in a hospital bed and hope you don't get an infection.


And what you realise is, that thing you thought was to big, too foundational, too ingrained to move without everything else crumbling - you were never actually relying on it after all. Your self worth and value wasn't built on it at all. It was a false foundation. All this time you were built on God; everything is resting on him.


Any time God takes something out of our lives, it's a paradox. Normally if you take something away, there's a hole, an emptiness, a lack. But with God, if he takes it away, that space is filled with more of Him. You realise that thing you thought was too important to let go of, that you relied on too much to give over, was actually making you feel less worthy, less satisfied, less whole.


If you look around your life and notice some whopping great defences, don't be afraid to look behind them. Let God in to those places and you won't regret it.


Without those, you give God more room to fill your life with His purpose. The real thing is always better than a pale imitation.


Lay it down. Aren't you tired of carrying that heavy burden all by yourself? Aren't you tired of trying to hold up those defences?


I beg you to offer your lives as a living sacrifice to him. Romans 12:1 


My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26


"Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new Spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put My Spirit within you". Ezekiel 36:26-27.

Chosen, Called by Name

I have a memory of childhood. It's strong and indelible, but at the same time fuzzy at the edges and dream-like as some childhood memories are, floating unmoored to context and circumstance. I can't even remember how old I was, or what I was doing there.

I remember being a big, dark room. It was full of other kids and we were watching a live show about outer space. Like all shows for kids, they called for crowd involvement. Lollies were handed out for answering questions and a few volunteers were called to go up on stage. They got to act in front of a blue screen that made it look like they were flying in the milky way on the video screen.

I wanted to answer a question and get a lolly. No-one picked me. I wanted to volunteer and get to go on the special video. No-one picked me.

It's my earliest memory of that feeling, "Why will no-one choose me? Why don't I ever get picked?"

The "Old Testament God" is the same God as now.

People are confused by the old testament - people think the old testament God seems harsh, distant and impersonal. We don't like thinking of God as someone who would just strike us dead on the spot because we did something wrong. And because it's difficult, we often gloss over it, ignore it, or never try to actually understand it.

We like the nice side of God, the all forgiving, all loving, kind side. Which is of course all true, but without considering everything about the nature of God, the 'love' and 'forgiveness' we are thinking about is really just fluff and nothing. It loses any depth or meaning. We start to treat God like he's a nice little friend we can put in our pockets to pull out for help when we're in trouble.

The old testament tells us of a God who is absolutely, incomparably holy and righteous. A God who had to be hidden and who a very select few could even approach, only after very strict requirements were followed. A God who requires perfection beyond anything any human being can hope to even approach. Whose standards meant death to those who disobeyed him.

It's no wonder we don't like to think about this God so much - most of us already struggle with feelings of low self worth or inadequacy in our lives. Why am I reminding you how far short we fall of God's standards?

Because without grasping the righteous, holy and all powerful nature of God, how can we really understand the depth of his grace and love? If we don't realise how deep a chasm of sin separates us from God, how can we understand how utterly amazing the gift of Jesus was to bridge that chasm? If we don't get how sinful and far short we really fall on our own, how can we appreciate the gift of mercy? Without knowing the awesomeness, perfection and power of the presence of God, how can we even begin to comprehend the depth of God's love that he has provided a way for all of us, any one of us, to come personally into that presence?

If we don't see those things, and try to understand the God presented to us in the old testament, then we are missing half the picture - the half that provides us with the depth and gravity of what God has done for us. If you don't know why you needed redemption, how can you appreciate that you've been given it? Far from making you feel more unworthy and useless, it will convince you to your very core that God loves you, you personally, so much that he would save you. It will prove to you how much you are worth to Him.

Since God is the same yesterday, today and forever, the God of the old testament is the exact same God of today. Are we missing half the picture of who God is, in all his glory, majesty and righteousness, in all his amazing love and mercy, because we are afraid to confront those things that confuse, unsettle or challenge us? 

Read Hebrews 10, which started me thinking about this post.

Sharing a Link

Just wanted to share this great post about how much God loves us

http://itsalmostnaptime.blogspot.com/2008/11/god-thinks-you-rock-casbah.html

Valentine's Day doesn't need to make you Vulnerable.

It's amazing how one day can have so much of an effect on us. Whether we admit it or not, most of us can think of a time when Valentine's Day has come around like a kick in the face. Especially when you're in high school. No matter how much you say "This day is stupid" to everyone you see, somehow by the end of the day you still feel inadequate because you didn't get some cheap gift from guys you probably don't really like anyway. Or more invisible when that guy you have been wanting to notice you, still doesn't.

I've never really celebrated Valentine's Day. But that doesn't stop it from coming around. And unless you stay in bed all day, it's going to confront you at some time during the day especially if you're feeling vulnerable.

My suggestion is to redefine the day for yourself. Rather than thinking about the 'love' you're not getting from others and think about what love really is. Most of the time on Valentine's Day, if we're feeling bad it's normally not about real Love. We feel insecure, unpopular, or unnattractive. And normally we're comparing ourselves to other people and basing our value on what others think of us.

I like to think about it differently. I take Valentine's Day as a chance to remember the love God has for us - the kind of love that is shown through him choosing to create us personally, and to send his son to die for us! We never need to feel insecure about his love for us.

And it's the kind of love that, as we realise the fullness of it for ourselves, spills over onto other people. Other people who may not know that this love exists.

So why not do things for other people on Valentine's Day (and every day, but lets use this day as a reminder). When you stop waiting around for someone to make you feel good, and do things for others you often end up feeling far better. When you give away love, it doesn't diminish, it increases.

This year I've made cup cakes for the staff at school just as a little gesture of appreciation. One year when I was in high school I gave a little heart chocolate and a note to every student in the school (it was a small school :)  The times that I did things like that, I may still have had a feeling in the back of my mind of "Has anyone noticed me?" but it was quickly outweighed by the thought of making someone else happy. Even if brightened the day of maybe one person who was feeling vulnerable then that's enough.

Do something for others, and something that reminds you of your worth and value, and God's love for you. Make cupcakes for your friends. Write letters to friends or family members telling them how much you love and appreciate them. Have a Valentine's Party with friends - not a pity party, as in 'poor us, we're all single', but a party that celebrates your friendship and the fun you have together.

Thank God for creating you and for all the wonderful qualities and talents he has given you. God doesn't make mistakes!

What are your ideas for an uplifting and self-pity free Valentine's Day?

Body Image and Self Worth (Video)

It breaks my heart to see people, especially girls, with low self-esteem and no sense of their self worth. We get so influenced by the world and what we're told is important that we start to see that as the truth and define ourselves by the worlds standards, and by comparing ourselves to other people.

The problem with those standards is that they are not real, and so never achievable. And they miss the point of what's really important.

We feel inadequate because of our looks, appearance, weight, clothes....because we've come to believe that those things are important in who we are.

Your clothes change, fashions change, beauty fades... None of these things last, and none of these things are what God really cares about.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, ...Rather, it should be that of your inner self,
the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

1 Peter 3:3-4

If you are feeling bad about yourself as a person because of the way you look then you need to redefine what makes a person valuable and worth something.

To God you are precious! Infinitely valuable! So valuable he sent is son to die for YOU!

He didn't say - Are you too fat? Are you wearing hand me downs instead of the latest fashion? Are your eyes too close together or is your nose too big?

He said - I knew you before you were born. I knit you together in your mothers womb. I have plan and a purpose for you. I created you especially and then sent my son to die for you, because I love you!!!

You are a child of God. A precious daughter. Let God fill your heart with the assurance of your worth in him and then the outside stuff will fade away.

Link: Abide in God's Love

Every day I get an email devotional from Christian Women Today. It's always good to read, but sometimes the articles speak straight to me, like today.

http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2010/11/11/abide-in-my-love/

I can't reprint the whole thing so the link is above. This was my favourite bit and something that I'm sure we all relate to:

"We ask ourselves this question:  “Am I worthy?” It torments our minds. The enemy steals that place of resting in the love of God and takes away any hope that God loved us while we were yet sinners.  It’s not about whether we are worthy, but about His nature and who God is."


This topic is definitely a theme in my life at the moment - but then again, shouldn't it be a theme in everyones? We all need reminding of how perfect, and deep and fundamental God's love is!



http://jessiecostin.blogspot.com/2010/11/why-did-god-make-us.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lINyGR4NaB8

What babies are there in your bathwater?

I am quite a stubborn person. Once I've made my mind up about something there's not much that can change it. Its not a trait I'm very proud of - it means when I really don't want to do something, nothing can make me do it; that can be a stumbling block when it's something I should be doing, and when it comes to surrendering to God.

I've spent a long time feeling guilty for my negative traits, and trying to rid myself of them completely. When that wasn't working, I realised I was trying to throw away too much.

Like throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

My stubbornness may get in the way of things at times, but at others it protects me. I don't succumb to other people's doubt of me. If others question or discourage my faith or my beliefs, I can stick it out and I cling stubbornly to God.

A lot of things in our personality have two sides to them. Everything is God given, it's just how we use it.