Valentine's Day doesn't need to make you Vulnerable.

It's amazing how one day can have so much of an effect on us. Whether we admit it or not, most of us can think of a time when Valentine's Day has come around like a kick in the face. Especially when you're in high school. No matter how much you say "This day is stupid" to everyone you see, somehow by the end of the day you still feel inadequate because you didn't get some cheap gift from guys you probably don't really like anyway. Or more invisible when that guy you have been wanting to notice you, still doesn't.

I've never really celebrated Valentine's Day. But that doesn't stop it from coming around. And unless you stay in bed all day, it's going to confront you at some time during the day especially if you're feeling vulnerable.

My suggestion is to redefine the day for yourself. Rather than thinking about the 'love' you're not getting from others and think about what love really is. Most of the time on Valentine's Day, if we're feeling bad it's normally not about real Love. We feel insecure, unpopular, or unnattractive. And normally we're comparing ourselves to other people and basing our value on what others think of us.

I like to think about it differently. I take Valentine's Day as a chance to remember the love God has for us - the kind of love that is shown through him choosing to create us personally, and to send his son to die for us! We never need to feel insecure about his love for us.

And it's the kind of love that, as we realise the fullness of it for ourselves, spills over onto other people. Other people who may not know that this love exists.

So why not do things for other people on Valentine's Day (and every day, but lets use this day as a reminder). When you stop waiting around for someone to make you feel good, and do things for others you often end up feeling far better. When you give away love, it doesn't diminish, it increases.

This year I've made cup cakes for the staff at school just as a little gesture of appreciation. One year when I was in high school I gave a little heart chocolate and a note to every student in the school (it was a small school :)  The times that I did things like that, I may still have had a feeling in the back of my mind of "Has anyone noticed me?" but it was quickly outweighed by the thought of making someone else happy. Even if brightened the day of maybe one person who was feeling vulnerable then that's enough.

Do something for others, and something that reminds you of your worth and value, and God's love for you. Make cupcakes for your friends. Write letters to friends or family members telling them how much you love and appreciate them. Have a Valentine's Party with friends - not a pity party, as in 'poor us, we're all single', but a party that celebrates your friendship and the fun you have together.

Thank God for creating you and for all the wonderful qualities and talents he has given you. God doesn't make mistakes!

What are your ideas for an uplifting and self-pity free Valentine's Day?

What are you waiting for?

We're taught to want things immediately, faster, sooner...now, now, now. We're impatient when things don't happen quickly, and if we have to wait for something we'll often take a different option rather than wait.

I get impatient if a webpage takes more than 10 seconds to load. And if it takes more than 30...well, you may as well forget it.

So when God says

No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come." Mark 13:32-33

So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him. Matthew 24:43-44

And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.  Romans 13:11-12

I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation. 2 Corinthians 6:2

this has been interpreted as soon. Our definition of soon. As in, "Ok, I'm ready, where are you?"

But we've been interpreting it as our definition of soon for 2000 years or so.

And I'm sure most of us can think of other times in our lives where we've felt like God was saying he was going to do something, something we needed to be ready for. So we got ready. And then waited. A day, a week, a couple of months. Then when nothing happened, we either got angry at God for not keeping his word, or angry at ourselves for thinking it was God when it wasn't.

Only to discover, maybe even years later, that God's timing wasn't ours. We waited a few months, he was working over a few years. Even a lifetime.

The world teaches us to be impatient, to want things fast and now. The eternal God's definition of now, of soon, is vastly different to ours.

God keeps reminding me of this. He keeps saying to me "What is one year compared to eternity? What is one lifetime compared to Forever?"

That's a frustrating thought when we're in the midst of something we want to change. But it's actually a comforting thought when we really think about it. We know God always keeps his word, so when we know he's not acting immediately on our terms, we can be assured he's got the bigger picture in mind. If God was like the ancient Greek and Roman gods acting on fallible human whims and impulses we'd be in a whole lot of trouble.

We can be thankful God is eternal and knows a bigger picture than we can ever comprehend. Sometimes we just need to be patient.

So why does he use words like 'Now is the time', 'Be alert. Be on guard', 'You must be ready' when he wants us to be patient?

Because patience is not necessarily passive. Patience shouldn't go hand in hand with idleness or complacency. He wants us to wait with expectancy.

So if you are waiting for something, wait with patience, but with hope and expectancy. Expect that God will do great things. For he will, and he already is, even though you may not know it. And it may not come in the form you imagine or want, but we can always be assured of God's perfect Love and Goodness. He will be everything you need.

Wait! Good things are coming! Wait! Never before has the word wait seemed so exciting and promising!

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

Can't Get Out of Bed Sequel: I'm out, now what?

See the first video here, if you're not at the out of bed stage yet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZRxHOXjns4

Behold I am doing a new thing!

I've always been fairly independent, and haven't formed strong attachments or friendships over my life. And while some of it was a protection mechanism, so I didn't feel the pain of certain things, I've always felt there was a reason for it - because I did end up moving around and bit, and was able to do that without the pain and trouble it would have been to be leaving people behind every time if I was really attached to a place or to a circumstance.

There is a time for everything. Sometimes we are meant to be settled, sometimes we are meant to be challenged.

I have recently been living in a place in the country that is away from family and friends in the city. For a long time I didn't like it. Because we went back and forth to the city, and I travelled between two towns for work, I felt isolated. I wasn't in the city to be involved with my friends, and I wasn't really a part of either town community since I travelled between them.

I struggled with this isolation, until one day God revealed to me what it was. I was reading about the Israelites in the wilderness - they were in training for what was to come and weren't ready to go into the promised land yet. I always feel the Israelites are an example for us, or a metaphor for us; this time I felt like God was telling me that where I was living and what I was going through was the wilderness and I was in training.

In the wilderness the Israelites had no-one to rely on but God. Just like I had no-one to rely on but God. We weren't going to Church or Small group, we didn't have any Christian friends around us, or family. I couldn't rely on any one else for what I needed spiritually  but God. I wasn't being spoon fed my faith anymore. I needed to flex my own spiritual muscle, so to speak. And for me, for that time, it was an important lesson to learn.

Then we bought some land and started building a house closer to the city again. I went through a period of doubt, thinking if God had just told me that I was out here in the 'wilderness' for a reason, was I really meant to be building a house and settling down somewhere instead of continuing to wander in the desert?

A time for everything, though. God reassured me that this would be a good thing at the right time -

Build houses and settle down; plant gardens, marry and have sons and daughters; seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you.  Jeremiah 29:5-7

But, as usual, things didn't happen the way I expected. We haven't yet moved there, and won't for a little while still. For a while I felt despondent, asking God why he was leaving me out here in the wilderness when all I wanted was for him to use me somewhere .

This time I got a different answer: Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a roadway in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19

He was saying, open your eyes. Can you not see what I am doing here?

I'm often pulled up for being impatient and looking further into the future than I need to. (Something I wrote about here.) So things are happening now, but I am still away from family and friends, and may be for a while longer.

But I am also assured that God has a plan. Separation from people is sometimes part of that plan, even when we don't understand it. And when we are separated or isolated, even if it doesn't feel like a good thing, God always provides.

He provided for Israelites in the wilderness  and he didn't leave them out there alone. He provided for all their needs. He will provide for you and lead you where he wants you to go. I will go before you. Isaiah 45:2

What he asks from us is obedience, and to follow him. Don't be like the Israelites who would forget God's many blessings and the things they were learning, and focus only on the hardships. Look forward to what is to come - the promised land. And recognise what God is teaching you now.

It's not easy - the Israelites who had God right there with them as a physical presence even seemed to forget about him....we need to work on our daily relationship with him so that we don't so the same.

It's Me or the Dog (aka Learning to live in Boundaries)

People don't like to me made to do things they aren't interested in, or is not fun or pleasant. But sometimes things are vitally important in challenging us to grow, develop character and become a multidimensional person.

More and more in schools I am seeing young people who are one dimensional. And that one dimension is often not very pleasant. They've never been disciplined or made to do things. They know if they throw a tantrum they can get out of things or get whatever they want. They run away from the things they don't like. It doesn't make them happy people. It doesn't make them fun to be around. And it doesn't help them become good adults.

Even in school now, students less and less have to do subjects they don't like. There is more and more flexibility, but less and less responsibility or challenge.

This assignment's too hard for you? We'll change it. Didn't pass year 8, 9 or 10? Never mind, you can still go up to year 11. If you find that too hard, we'll adapt everything until it's so simple you can't help but pass.

And I'm not blaming any one person, group or system. It is the way society has become and we're all just swept along in the flow.

Where's the natural consequences? If you're lazy and don't try at anything, you'll fail. People won't always be there to rescue you or bail you out. That's what life is like, but we're not teaching them that.

I'm all for finding other pathways, and don't think that getting an education has to all come from school and university. But I also think that if a students wants to take a different pathway, that needs to come from them. They should be learning determination and self-motivation, not "If I yell at teachers and skip school and don't try on my assignments, I can get out of it all and someone else will find me a job."

And unfortunately, because we are all part of this, often life won't even teach them the lessons they need. So many people somehow cruise through life with someone always bailing them out or manipulating things to go their way. I think we often feel guilty, like we've failed these people, so if we just keep fixing things for them they'll be alright eventually. They might survive life, at least for a while, and think it's great.

But they won't be happy. And they won't make the people around them happy. They'll think they are for a while at least. But anything that focuses on the self - on selfishness, personal gain, and "me, me, me", leads only to self-destruction.

They say that dogs are happiest when they have clear rules to follow, know the consequences and have a clear place in the 'pack' - not when they are coddled, and spoilt and treated like babies. Have you not seen those dog training shows? It's Me or the Dog, or the Dog Whisperer.

Where does the responsibility lie? In the dog shows, it's rarely that they've just got a crazy dog - the problem is that the owners need training.

With this case we aren't dogs, so obviously some of it lies in the young people to learn to take responsibility for their own lives. But before that, it lies in the people with the job of teaching them how to do that - that's all of us.

Parents need to be less concerned with being friends with their children, and more concerned with making sure there children become rounded people. They need to instil in their children a sense of self-worth and value and love and compassion. Then whatever circumstances children face, they will be more equipped to deal with it. And less likely to be a pain along the way!

We are happier with clear boundaries and a clear place in the world. With an absence of rules and structure, we may think we're happy and free for a while, but too much freedom becomes a prison of its own. We always end up searching for something to fill the space. We look for something to define us, and end up being consumed and controlled by that thing. And anything other than God goes nowhere good.

We drive people away, we lose our joy, we lose the real things that make us who we are and become that one dimensional shell of who we were created by God to be.

Whether you are having trouble setting boundaries in the lives of those you are responsible for (parents with children), or have grown up without someone setting any boundaries for you (broken homes), or have just rebelled against the boundaries that were set for you (against parents, or against God) it's not too late.

My burden is light - God's boundaries, God's rules - they may seem challenging. We may have to do things we don't like, or don't think we're good at. He will discipline us when we do things wrong. But his burden is light. I don't think this means it's easy to carry all the time - it means that the outcome is worth anything we go through. It doesn't weigh us down and crush us. Carrying his burden ultimately leads us to more joy, fullness, happiness and freedom that we can imagine or ever hope to find in any other source.

Throw off everything you've piled onto your own back - it will crush you - and ask God to replace it.

Verses:
Matthew 11:30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Galations 6:7-8 ...You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.

Proverbs 3: 11-12 My child, don't reject the Lord's discipline, and don't be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.

And pretty much read all of proverbs....

Virtual Jellybeans & Right Company

This verse was on my mind this week from the message we heard (watched) on Youtube this sunday - isn't it great how when you can't go to Church you can at least bring part of the church to you.

But it was discussing the verse that I've chosen for my memory verse this week, - 1 Corinthians 15:33 - and it really struck home with me. It has been a issue for me my whole life - choosing who I spend my time with, and the influence of some poor choices.

Recently I have made some decisions to spend less time with certain people, because I recognised that when I was with them I was gossiping and talking negatively about others, and I didn't want to do that.

It is difficult to talk about this topic sometimes without sounding elitist and like I'm looking down my nose at others who aren't as 'good' as me - but I want to make it clear that it's not that at all.

In the case of me gossiping too much, it wasn't the people I was with causing me to gossip - I was choosing to do that, and in some cases initiating it. But it was being with people that didn't discourage it, and would join in, that gave me a sense of freedom to say things I wouldn't say with other people.

So in many cases is not that others make us act in ways contrary to what we know God wants from us - it's often that what is permissable, allowable or approved with some people lets us act in different ways.

It is not to say you are meant to shun anyone - but think about who you are allowing close enough to have influence in your life.

If you are committed to walking with God, and living the life that he has set out for us, then it is much more beneficial to closely surround ourselves with people who point us in the right direction; people who have the same values and morals and beliefs as those we are aiming to live by; people who won't pull away from where we want to be, but will pull us up when we stray.