Something More?

Maybe, just maybe, satisfaction and fulfilment in life is far less to do with your physical circumstances than with your spiritual state...

If we were created by God and for God, then how will anything but knowing God satisfy that fundamental need?

Seek and you will find - but what are you looking for?

Have you ever sought hard, earnestly, til you hurt...and then nothing happened. It makes you wonder, where exactly is God? What about all that 'seek and you will find' business, huh?

God does say that we when seek after him, he will be found. So what's going on?

And at times like that, when we feel let down, we know that God says he'll never leave us or forsake us, but it can be hard to really understand it.

But it doesn't seem to "work" - when I seek and don't seem to find God, perhaps I was actually looking for myself and not for God at all.

Worship is about glorifying God, and yet how often do we come away thinking about what we did or didn't get from it, how we felt, what God did for us?

Seek and you will find. It's true. But what are we looking for? If we look for ourselves, we're always going to find it. And we'll always be disappointed. Because our spirit longs for God.

Just a thought...

Being a Woman & Video Response

It's been a while since I've posted any videos. I took an extended hiatus while I mulled things over privately. I tend to do that - percolate something until I'm ready to express it again. That process of percolation can take a few days to a few years, so my blogging and vlogging tends to be erratic as a result!

But just recently a man posted a video response to one of my Being a Woman videos that I uploaded ages ago. It was quite a bizarre feeling at first, to be watching someone else talking on a video and addressing it to me. In this cyber world it's easy to feel insulated and almost forget that there are actually real people on the other end of their computers, watching me.

But I found it really touching that someone would take the time to respond. And it was also a great reminder that I'm not the first or the last person to think about these things. And it's probably also a reminder to think more of myself as in a community - a community that stretches over the world through this crazy network that is the web - and remember that I'm not just a lone girl sitting at a computer sending things into thin air.

But anyway, here is the video I posted (which I haven't watched since I posted it, because I find it hard to do without cringing!), and the response, plus the message I wrote back.



Response:


My reply and further thoughts:

Thank you - I really appreciated your video response. I am actually married already, but what prompted me to do this video was more about my own wrestling with letting a man be what God created him to be, so that I can be a woman as God created me. Because, as you said in this video, we were created differently. And so even though I am married to a godly man, I am still young, and growing up in a world that fights over the 'gender issue' - even the church is in conflict over it - this means, I, like a lot of young women, have a lot to learn. Or re-learn as the case may be, because in the past I've believed the wrong things about what being a woman is all about.

In the search for 'equality', people have started believing that we can be exactly the same. And I think that robs both men and women of the strengths they were given. So thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my video and speak on this issue. The things you said really touched my heart.

God bless!

Feeling the love...

Valentine's Day came and went with hardly a glance for me...

Because I'm married and my husband loves me every day, because I don't want chocolate anyway, because of my No Shopping Project so I have hardly been in the shops lately, because I can fast forward TV ads on my DVR -  whatever it was, Valentines Day has not been a confronting issue. It barely even registered.

But I remember a time when the day just reminded me of that sinking feeling, that terrible lie, that maybe no one notices me, and no one ever will.

The central issue that never drops off my radar? Love. And I think that's the central issue for everyone, whether Valentine's Day was celebrated with someone, whether it dragged by in loneliness or whether you didn't even think of it - everyone thinks about love, desires it, longs for it, feels it...

So I had a look back over my posts that are on that theme, and you can too, if you feel the need! Because mostly we need reminding, not just that other human beings notice us, but that God loves us utterly and completely, no matter what.

http://www.jessiecostin.com/search/label/Love

"Macho Men", Women & War

There's been a lot about gender in the church around lately - it seems to come up somewhere on every blog I read. And people like Mark Driscoll are at the heart of it, usually copping the flak.

I've tried to reserve judgement. I don't personally know the man, and I don't want to get caught up in vitriol. But some things I have heard - right from the man's mouth on videos or in his own blog posts, have just sat badly with me.

I just happened to have two links open waiting for the videos to load. First I watched Mark Driscoll talk about real men. 60% of Christians are female. And the men are kind of female too. According to him. The real men are off doing manly things, like shooting guns.





And then I watched the trailers for Women, War & Peace and Pray the Devil Back to Hell. The 'macho men' in Africa are shooting guns too - right at women and children.

There's something terribly wrong with that picture.

I don't think the debate on gender roles in Christianity is meant to be about prescribing behaviours - men drink beer, women like baking. Men are tough 'punch you in the nose' kind of dudes, and women are meekly touching up their make up. Is that what we are really arguing over?

When Peter called Women the weaker vessels (1 Peter 3:7), he was saying "Be a man!" - but following that was no prescription for being a beer-drinking, gun-shooting, sport-watching 'dude'. In fact, he was saying "Take a look at the others in your life - do you find yourself with more physical strength than them? With more political power? Don't abuse that! Take care of them, don't let them be walked over. Be understanding." That sounds gentle to me.

 It's just common sense that on the whole, people with less physical strength and political power are often going to be women. That's not sexist. Men and women alike need to recognise it as a fact.

'Weaker' doesn't mean 'weak'. And being a strong man doesn't mean 'macho'.

We are heirs together.

Maybe instead of infighting on whether Christianity is masculine or feminine -- as if the big issue is whether wearing pink is manly -- we should be looking around us to find the people that are suffering under real gender inequality and real abuse of power and do something about that.

More than a Humanitarian

Jesus was moved with compassion for people, and then he did something about it. That is an admirable thing to emulate, to be moved with compassion, to care deeply about the suffering of others and do what is in our power to alleviate it.

What was within Jesus' power was quite significant; it was more than natural power, it was more than running a food drive and handing out blankets; it was supernatural. He healed people, he drove out demons, he raised people to life.

But if it ends at that, that just makes Jesus a humanitarian. A supernaturally gifted humanitarian, but just that.

He was more than that, though. The miracles he performed weren't just to relieve physical suffering. What is the relief of physical pain if the person is still in the dark?

Jesus was all about saving people's lives - but life in the sense of the living word, living waters, the abundant life found when we enter the kingdom of God. The life that is available to experience here and now.

He raised people physically to life, but his whole ministry was pointing people to how to be raised spiritually to life.

As Christians we should of course be in many senses, humanitarians; we should have compassion for people, be moved to help them and care for them. But we should be remembering the ultimate gift we can give people is not physical. Alleviating poverty, or even seeing miraculous works, is not our end goal.

We are not interested in merely an outward imitation of Jesus, but to show how are lives and hearts are truly changed by his love.

Speaking their language

You don't have to be qualified to speak the good news.


At Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit came and filled those gathered in the room, and the crowds heard them, they were amazed because they were hearing their own languages. These were people from all over, and the Galileans were speaking their languages.


This was not just unusual, like "Hey, I didn't know you spoke Cappadocian!"They were 'utterly amazed'. (Acts 2:7)


Utterly -completely and without qualification; absolutely. In other words - completely, totally, absolutely, entirely,wholly, fully, thoroughly, quite, altogether,one hundred percent, downright, outright, in all respects, unconditionally, perfectly, really,to the hilt, to the core;


Amazed -surprised greatly; filled with astonishment. In other words -astonished, thunderstruck, speechless, at a loss for words, dumbstruck; aghast, taken aback; bowled over, flabbergasted, blown away.


Entirely flabbergasted, thoroughly bowled over, unconditionally thunderstruck. The Amplified Bible says they were 'beside themselves'.


Get the picture?


These were Galileans - not exactly known for there high brow education or broad multilingualism. And yet here they were, speaking in all these different languages. And all declaring the wonders of God.


You don't have to be qualified to speak as a witness. God can use you to speak anyone's language. That may not mean the languages of different countries for you. It may mean the language of your neighbour, a person in the supermarket, a young person in your church, and old person in a home...all those people who have a different culture to you. Those people with a different life, age, gender, personality, education or interest to you. Those people with whom you normally have nothing in common and nothing to say. People not of your own 'kind'. Even people who normally look down on your or ignore you.


God can give you the words to say, and those words come with power.


Those people hearing the wonders of God spoken in their own languages probably could have understood other languages. They didn't have to hear it those particular dialects to be able to comprehend what was being said. But it was more than the words; it was witnessing the power of God to transcend the natural, to go beyond boundaries and borders. To speak right to the heart.


God isn't limited by your social circle, your education, your knowledge (or lack of it), your conversational skills, your age, race or occupation. So why do we insist on limiting ourselves? Why do we say 'I'm too old to talk to young people', or 'I have nothing in common with that person', or 'People will probably think I'm stupid'?


When we let God get a hold of us, when we receive the Holy Spirit, the words we speak will have power and impact. People will notice that you are speaking their language. They will notice the difference. They will be 'flabbergasted' by the power and wonder of God.


Perhaps some of them might think you are strange (or drunk - Acts 2:13) - but there will be plenty more who ask "What does this mean?"


Be ready to tell them.

Transformation

I think we'd agree that the stories told to us in the gospels about what Jesus did for us are kinda important.

But it's in Acts when things really get interesting for the followers of Jesus. This is where we see the effects of what Jesus did in action. This is where we see transformation.

They went from arguments 'among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest' (Luke 9:46) to everyone 'together and.... everything in common' (Acts 2:44).

And what would make Peter, of 'denying three times' infamy, become a bold witness? "When they saw the courage of Peter and John...they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus." (Acts 4:13)

This seems impossible. If you've ever tried to change something about yourself, or tried to change someone else, you'll know how impossible it is. People just don't change radically, overnight. Their fears, weaknesses, insecurities and bad habits just don't disappear like that.

But the disciples and the subsequent followers of Jesus changed radically. And not just for a few days. Not just a few of them. And even in the face of opposition and persecution. They changed so radically that they disrupted 'the whole world'. (Acts 17:6)

What makes this possible?

What the book of Acts is trying to show us, is that the only answer is the Holy Spirit.

Peter spoke "filled with the Holy Spirit". (Acts 4:8) He was transformed.

And the thousands who witnessed the acts and transformations of the apostles - they weren't won over by convincing arguments - they were also transformed by the power of what they saw and heard and witnessed.


Too often we think of being a Christian as a moral standard that we have to project, to make sure everyone sees how good we are, to make sure we aren't letting Jesus down. So we try to be like him. We try and try and try. And yet we are still dogged by those bad behaviours, those bad habits, that anger, that fear, that weakness. And so we get discouraged because it seems impossible, and we are sick of failing over and over again.

But that's the point. It is impossible. Without the Holy Spirit.

Even those who had seen Jesus risen from the dead and ascended into the clouds didn't do much until the Holy Spirit came. They had seen Jesus more physically and tangibly than we have, and yet they waited.

Even Jesus didn't expect them to act on their own. "...wait for the gift my Father promised...For John baptised with water, but in a few days you will be baptised with the Holy Spirit." (Acts 1:4-5) "...you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:7-8)

It's a gift. A gift that comes with power and authority from God, and transformation.

The thing about a gift is, inherent in the meaning of the word, you can't earn it or work for it. It's not payment, it's a gift. You just have to receive it.

That is the way our lives are transformed. That is the way we become bold witnesses to the ends of the earth. Not through our own efforts to be good or say and do the right thing - but by the power of the Holy Spirit, the presence of God in us. A gift.

Project 3:11 - Month One

It's like an addiction. The belief that we - that I - need to shop to live.

It sounds ridiculous when you put it that way - buying clothes is not a physical necessity like drinking water or breathing. But if we truly don't believe that we need to buy things to get through, then why would it be a big deal to ask most people to stop?

In response to my announcement of this year long project, most of the reactions have been positive, acknowledging that we probably all do have too much stuff, and applauding my 'bravery'. But why does it need to be a brave thing to not buy clothes? That's the question that is playing on my mind. If we aren't addicted, then why can't we stop?

Addiction - dependence on a substance, thing or activity. dedication to, obsession with, infatuation with,passion for, mania for, enslavement to..... 

And so, in this first month, I'm treating it like it is an addiction. As a semblance of an analogy, if I was an alcoholic I wouldn't be going in to bars right now, or reading the alcohol catalogues, or even drinking virgin versions of my favourite drinks.

 So that means a few things:

- avoiding clothes shops - seems an obvious one.

- unsubscribing from website mailing lists - some days I can find my inbox filled with colourful newsletters reminding me how much I need the stuff they're selling, and look at the bargains! What a deal... So that unsubscribe button is becoming my best friend.

- not reading magazines (which are mostly just glossy books of advertisements)

- not shopping for other things, even if they aren't clothes, shoes or accessories, at least for the first month. Even though it is just one category of things I have committed to for this year, shopping for other things like home wears is just one step removed.

Those are 'Month One' goals - get out of my float down the shopping river, and start to dry off. And while I do that, I'll assess my reactions to being out of the flow. Will it be a relief to not be wet, or will I feel like a fish out of water?

What am I going for here, though? Am I looking for a revolution, where we all become some kind of hippies and consumerist, capitalist society as we know it is torn down? I think people have tried that sort of thing before, and it never really goes well....

And I know little about economics, but I do get that if we all decided to just suddenly stop shopping, the western world we live in would collapse and there would be mayhem. It would be a cruel thing to do to the many people who currently rely on spending for their income and livelihood - which is almost everyone at some point down the line. I certainly don't think any solution to the problems of third world countries lies in turning the whole world into one.

And so completely and permanently removing myself from the ways of the world I live in is not the way to go. I might feel better about myself, but really that does nothing for anyone else. Consequently, I don't plan to never go near a shop again, never look at an ad, or live in fear of magazines.

Somewhere in there is a realistic approach - a way to change our attitudes, perhaps, a way to get us to live consciously and purposefully, with more than ourselves in mind.

I recently read a quote from Gwen Stefani:

“My closest is a work of art. But it needs to be cleared out again. There’s a whole wall of shoes – a shameful amount. But I design them and I do wear them. And I put them up for sale at charity auctions.”

I admire the creativity in design. She does wear them, and she sells them for charity. But even she uses the word 'shameful'.

What do you think of her justification? Is it enough? Is it admirable? Is it shameful? Is it ok? Is it only ok because it's the best we can hope for from someone with her life? 

Do you think you are addicted to buying things - or could you 'stop any time' ;)

2012 Goals

TwentyTwelve

Absenteeism from a blog over the 'silly season' is not unusual, I suspect. My end/beginning over the last couple of months has involved a considerable amount of upheaval, and sitting down to write has seemed an insurmountable task.

But even when I don't write, my mind is always on the blog - everything I see, I tend to write blog posts in my head, many of which never get put down on 'paper'.

Like this sign in a shop window I saw before Christmas that nearly made me cry...

There's a whole post in that somewhere. What have we become?

And that is a perfect example of what I'm trying to explore this year in Project 3:11 - going a year without buying clothes. This officially started on the 1st of January, but ever since I decided to do it I haven't wanted to buy anything anyway. It's more than just an arbitrary challenge. But that's plenty more posts in itself.

So what will 2012 bring? 2011 went by incredibly fast - so many people seem to be saying the same thing, and I think there is something in that. A God thing. Though I don't know what it means, but things have been leading up to this time. It may not be the end of the world like some think the Mayan's were telling us!, but I think there are big things coming this year. I was going to say 'beginning this year', but the things that God is doing started long before now.

When you look back over where you've got to, it can be amazing to see the line of things that have fallen in to place, the path that was being laid out without you even realising it was all connected.

Like my decision to write this blog, coming long before I even considered I had anything worthwhile to write about has been a part of my journey to studying theology and biblical studies this year. Through writing a blog I have to come to read many more, and discover questions I didn't even know I had. Far fewer answers, though, which is always the way.

Sometimes things need to be deconstructed to be built back up. Like reading blogs like Rachel Held Evans', listening to and reading John Smith, listening to the Unbelievable podcast, beginning my study of the New Testament and discovering how little I really know about the collection of books I call scripture.

Some people criticise studying and questioning, because it is arrogant to think we can know everything and have the right to question everything. In some ways, with some motives, I agree. But the more I question, the more I realise how little I know. And sometimes breaking everything down can strip away the layers of tradition and religion and ideas that have padded out, or sometimes obscured, the truth. But of course the truth needs to take it's place - stripping back to leave holes and abstraction and a misconceived notion of freedom is not the aim.

I tried that once. I didn't like what I thought I was meant to believe, so I chucked it all out and replaced it with 'searching'.

The thing about Jesus, is in the midst of all the questions, doubts, fears and confusion that could possibly come our way, he is the Rock. This time that's what I want to get to. Not to chuck away the things that make me uncomfortable, but to get through the surface layers - all the things we have applied to Christianity that have formed a veneer that we often fail to get past - and get to Jesus, the rock.

So 2012 - a year of stripping back, a year of getting to the heart of things, a year of working out what really matters. One thing about time seeming to go so fast, is that you realise you don't really have a lot of it. And when there isn't a lot of time, why waste it on the things that don't really matter.